Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
