Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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