i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
