as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
