I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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