In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
