quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
