He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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