I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
