IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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