i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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