I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Say something about gay babies.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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