I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
