Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
