I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
