And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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