it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
