Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
