His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
