I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
