It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
