I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
