Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize