we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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