ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
