Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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