The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
