I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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