I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't notice because vodka
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
