I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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