He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
