Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
