if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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