whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
