dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize