I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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