Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
