Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
