Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
