i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize