I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
