Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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