I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
