god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize