That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
