She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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