At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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