Kiss
Puke
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
