I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
