Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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