ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
