Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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