My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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