I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
