Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
