you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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