you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
