So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
