I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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