No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
