He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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