Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
