naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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