everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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