I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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