Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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