but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
