his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
