she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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