We won't sleep together?
Kiss
Puke
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
