dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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