I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
