tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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