1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
