Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
