you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize