You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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