Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
