eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I could fuck to npr.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
