Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
