You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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