I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it glows. i had to have it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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