I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
