i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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