i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
