Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm always down for nudity.
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