but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
