Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
