I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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